As a dancer in Bozeman for nearly a decade I've observed a phenomenon that repeats in cities and dance events across the country. On any given Wednesday night (the chosen night by western dancers) you will find a dance floor packed with laughing, smiling faces. They all appear to be having a great time and seem to know each other well which would lead one to believe that they truly care about each other and are involved in each other's lives. Years of observation and partaking in the scene have led me to believe that is not the case.
A quick back story: when I first arrived on the dancing scene in Bozeman I was in the middle of a brutal divorce. After being the driving force behind my married social life I suddenly found myself on the outside, friends and neighbors had chosen sides and I was on my own fighting for survival. Dancing was the once place I could go to turn my mind off to release the pressure life was putting on me at the time.
I was a die-hard regular. Every Wednesday I stepped through the doors of Mixers (some of you will remember that little gem on Aspen Street) and the weight of the world fell away. I assisted with the lessons, always willing to jump in and help when needed or when the instructor needed a demo partner. Always ready to welcome newcomers with a smile.
When the party started, I asked every single pair of cowboy boots to dance. There were Yeses and there were No’s, but I kept asking and eventually found regular partners that I would dance with each week, but I still asked every new face that came to the floor. I was the life of the party, everyone knew me, but very few KNEW me. When I had had my fill of the dance floor I would take one last glance and slip out into the dark. I can tell you, not one dancer during those years ever asked what my story was. At the time surface level seemed fine with me.
It wasn’t just me who was surface level. So many in that bar were hurting in some way, but few shared. Everyone was seeking to fill a void in their life or escape and the country dance hall reliably served that purpose. Moving together in a collective happy energy feels so good! It is truly why line dancing is so popular and why a floor full of waltzers appears magical; the dancers are all connected to the music, the space created for them and their partner. You are witnessing collective energy at its finest.
Attending a high energy social dance is a mid-week retreat. It is low cost, predictable and your endorphins go through the roof. I would like to explore how we can create connections that shift a midweek fix into a lifestyle. I have a few ideas to build true connection within your dance space (And let me tell you not every connection is for you, some people are just not a fit and that is okay.)
Humor me here:
Ask for a name. Make an intention: Your first dance move is in a closed position where you ask your partner’s name. Humans love the sound of their own name, learn it and use it!
Buy a fellow dancer a drink. Ladies you can buy other ladies a drink and guys you can offer to grab a round, this is not just a cheesy pick up line! Don’t drink? No problem, dancers need lots of water, offer to get water. (So appreciated by those of us trying to stay hydrated!)
Ask if their significant other is a dancer. This one is huge! As dancers we absolutely should know if there is another half to the person we’re dancing with. Let’s assume we all are always respectful but no harm in paying extra attention when our partner is attached, whether their person is a dancer or not.
Be courageous, be real. If there is a dancer that you do not enjoy dancing with for any reason give yourself permission to say no. Strive to be firm and polite.
Let someone know you're leaving. This is basic manners, but in a bar we get used to accepting the “Irish exit”. Where you turn around and the person is gone. Address your fellow dancers, thank them for the night and let them know you’re headed out.
Put your phone down. Exist in the moment. Feel what the dance space is inviting you to feel. Soak in the experience and give your time to the people in front of you. Basic manners.
Humans are wired to connect and we are all seeking it. We’ve become far too comfortable with surface level interactions, situationships and distance. Together with intention we can break the pattern of loneliness.
Would you like to build your dance skills with Western Roots Country Dancing?
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