Taking your first steps into a dance lesson can be a big leap. You’ve faced fear, doubt, and judgment just by acknowledging that there's a skill you want to learn. A skill that might bring you new friends, more fun, better exercise, or maybe even a date. By the end of your first class, things start to click. You realize that dancing isn’t about perfection—it’s about the steps. Your instructor has mapped out a path for you, and as you follow it, you begin to see the structure of the dance come together.

Now, you’re ready for the social dance floor. It’s loud, unfamiliar, and crowded. Suddenly, your well-practiced moves feel small, and your nerves start to kick in. You muster the courage to ask someone to dance, and before you know it, you’re channeling the lyrics of Buck Owens: “I’ve got a tiger by the tail.” You hold on tight, and after a shot of whiskey and a quick prayer, you force yourself to do it again. By the end of the night, you feel a sense of accomplishment. The next week, the nerves are a little easier to manage, the blur of faces becomes clearer, and fear fades into the background. Slowly, you start to enjoy it. And just like that, you’re hooked.
Fast forward three months. You’ve been practicing, refining your skills, and now you’re getting better—way better. But now, you notice something new: there are people you just don’t enjoy dancing with. They’re nice, they’re good dancers, and the music is great, but something feels off. The joy you used to feel after a dance isn’t there anymore. Welcome to the "wall of values."
It’s a bit of a surprise. You’re in a bar, the music is loud, everyone’s here to have fun, so why is this happening? Here’s the thing: for the first six months, your brain was so focused on learning the moves that there wasn’t space to think about anything else. Now, you’ve stepped out of the studio and onto the social floor. Your instructors taught you how to dance, but now it’s time to figure out who you want to be when you dance—and why it matters.
This is where assessing your own values becomes essential. Who do you want to be on the dance floor? What does that look like for you? Why is it important? And what steps can you take to honor that version of yourself? Take some time to reflect on these questions. Journal it out, have an internal conversation, or simply take a moment to think deeply. All of these methods will help you stay true to the person you are—and the dancer you want to be.
There are a few things that might pop up on the social floor, and your values will guide how you respond. Here’s how to handle them:
A Song You’re Uncomfortable With Sometimes it’s the lyrics, the memory it stirs up, the tempo, or simply the fact that you can’t stand the song. It doesn’t matter why—you don’t have to dance to every song just because someone asks. If it doesn’t feel right, politely decline. Stay true to yourself.
A Weird Feeling from a Dancer Does their energy seem off? Do they seem more interested in showing off for the crowd than in connecting with you? Are their hands ending up places they shouldn’t? Trust your instincts. It’s totally okay to turn someone down, whether you’re the lead or the follow. You don’t need to apologize—just a simple “no thank you” will do.
An Overly Sexual Dance Style This is becoming more common, especially as the music in many country dance scenes shifts away from traditional sounds. Some songs and styles can lean into more sensual movements like body rolls or hair flips. If you're not comfortable with this, the solution is simple: hold your frame. Leads, if your follow starts adding too much flair, don’t follow their lead—stick to simple, clear movements. Follows, if your lead is pushing for moves you're not okay with, make eye contact and politely resist. Simply refusing to participate sends the message loud and clear. And if it feels too uncomfortable, remember: you always have the option to leave the dance floor.
You don’t have to compromise who you are just to dance with someone. On the contrary, it’s your uniqueness that makes each dance exciting. So, next time you hit the floor, remember: YOU are what makes the dance. See you out there.
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